Quite some time ago, I was chatting with Alvin on msn. Was telling him that I might go NIE after my graduation. I felt that the working world wasn't suitable for me, and that I would be better off being a teacher. He felt the same way about me too. He said that I would be like a fish out of water in the corporate world.

However, before making the decision to go NIE, I decided to give myself a chance to try out what the working world is like. Hmm... never held any office jobs before. Would really like to try out one to see if I would be able to adapt to it. So my goal at that point of time was to get into a phase 1 company (hopefully a big and prestigious company) during my attachment. I wanted to see if I have what it takes to work in a company like this. Besides being adaptable, I understand that I must also be able to handle stress well.

Well, I've gotten my wish. But now, I really feel like a fish out of water. Even before I start working, I have to hand in a one-page summary of my career objectives to my boss. And after the discussion with my company that day, I got a rough gauge of what I can expect in the upcoming 2 months. I think I will be stressed to death!!!!!!!!! Shit... I'm feeling like an ostrich right now. Really hate myself!!!!!!!!!! YIXIN!!!!!!! U SUX!!!!!!!!!!!

Mood: Upset

Sigh... All the bad things come at a go. Really suay. Today's interview(informal discussion as they call it) suxs! I really felt inferior as compared to the rest of the 4 interns. I didn't strike up a very good impression in front of the boss. Well, I'm just not satisfied with how I perform. Everyone was giving quality answers, asking quality questions... yet at the same time, able to insert a sense of humor in their conversation. Sigh... I'm just bad at it. It's true... it's the same as presentations... I just can't speak in front of an audience. I would feel cornered. My brain and mouth just can't seem to connect everytime I start to speak in front of an audience. How irritating... This problem has always exist... and it still persist.

Before I went for the interview, I asked the lady if there was a formal dress code. And she told me to wear anything I like.. bcos its juz an informal discussion. Guess what? I went there and I got a shock out of my life... becos the rest of the other 4 interns were dressing like professionals! Dammit... I was feeling damn odd. Lost the 1st battle in front of the boss even before opening my mouth.

Well, if feeling stupid during the interview wasn't bad enough, the rest of the day was just as bad. Received a call from the handphone shop on my way back to sch that my hp is ready for collection. However, they told me that it wasn't the LCD prob but the motherboard... and it's not worth the money to repair. So I had to get a new phone! I couldn't sign up for a new plan, coz' my 2 years plan wasn't up yet. I couldn't terminate the plan either, coz' that would mean changing a new hp no. I couldn't upgrade the plan either, coz' my plan was just a few days short of a year. In the end, I have no choice but to get a brand new phone without plan! It costs me a BOMB! $298 for a phone without plan. The phone was already one of the cheapest I could find in the shop. The phone isn't exactly a new model anyway... doesn't look like it would last, looks bulky, no bluetooth... anyway, it's a really basic phone. Of course it has the basic camera functions... But it juz not worth paying this amount of money, becos I could get this phone for free if I had traded in a phone of $100 trade in value.

I was super upset parting with the $298. I thought the money could have been better spent on a fossil watch, which I would really love to get before I start my attachment, or at least for my birthday. Yeah.. and if it wasn't bad enough...I lost all my contacts in the phone, coz' all my contacts were saved in the phone, not SIM card. Some of those contacts were really impt... sigh...

What a horrid day.

Okay... Here are some CANDID shots from Hui Fang's birthday!

All waiting for our turn for the game...

Woo! Melvyn looks mesmerized by me! Am I thinking too much? Hahaha...

Wanhin and the look-alike chocolate earring!

Licheng: Our beloved main organizer and photographer

In the midst of eaking the delicious cake...

Preparing to go home with all our barang barang...

Some pics from Hui Fang's birthday... (more will be uploaded soon... when I have the time!)

The super-big birthday surprise from our pri sch classmates! A super big card containing all our pics and greetings!

Hui Fang playing pool..

The beautiful bdae cake we bought for her...

The chio bu and her cake!

The whole gang of us!!! Eeks!!!!! I'm blocked by Melvyn. And why is Licheng the only one looking at the camera?

Stumbled by JJ's blog today! Okay... didn't really stumbled by lar... Zee showed me the link to his blog. COOL!!!!!!!!!! I love JJ!!!!!!! His latest album 'Cao Cao' is fantastic! Although my favourite album is 'Jiang Nan', this album is not bad either! Oh... his blog is soooooooooooooooo nice!!!!!!!! A lot of his pics inside... and some of his latest MV!!!!!!

Hope JJ wins the most favourite artise during the MTV awards! Hey Zee, don't get offended. Maybe Lee Hom and JJ will end up with the same no. of votes, then they will both get the award. Haha...

Recently into the mood for blogging, after my friend introduced me to blogskins. Okay lar.. I admit that im a 'sua gu'. I really didn't know you could do up your blog with blogskins. I normally follow the templates given by blogspot... coz' they are simple and nice. Woo... there are soooooooooo many beautiful blogskins around.

Yeah... and don't know why... I'm also in the mood of reading xiaxue's blog. I think it's quite refreshing. I like her straight forwardness. And she has so many nice pics of herself!

Currently into the Bandari mood as well. For those who don't know what is Bandari... it's about relaxation music. It keeps me relax during this stressful period. For those who are stressful, try out Bandari!

Today was my first inter-club match. Was really looking forward to it. But alas, I got an walkover, coz' the opposing team only had 2 players. Sianz... So throughout the time Angeline and Zee were playing, I played by myself at the wall court. I thought I could improve my strokes and consistency by playing with the wall. How wrong! After their match, I was sparing with them, and I found out that my shots were all so flat! Totally no spin. How horrible. All my balls barely clear the net, and most of them were out balls. Worse still, I just couldn't find my timing... I'm so upset.

Should I feel fortunate that I was given a walkover? Becos if I had played in this lousy condition, I would have lost? I don't know. Mixed feelings. Sianz... Now my standard is so off. Going downhill... This suxs! I wanna get back to how I was playing 2 months ago.

Then again, watching how the St Wilfred aunties play today gave me some inspiration too. I was pretty amazed with them! Wow! They aren't exactly very good players (coz' they simply just return the balls). However, from the way they play, you could see their patience and perserverance. True enough, our players have the better strokes, but they have the factors to keep the game going. There's really one thing I must learn from them... i.e. keeping cool in a game.

Had a little talk with one of the aunties, who also happen to be the team captain. Her name was Anna. Asked her where exactly is the location of the club... coz' I live near St George's area, but I have never heard of this club before at all (must be some ulu club lar). She told me that they play at public courts in this sports complex, and all the players living around the area just came together to form this tennis club. Then I was asking her if I could join them at times, since I also live in the vincity. She said sure, and was quite excited about it. Though I felt that it's a little weird joining a club with all aunties, but I don't really mind lar. U see, when I go out to work next time, I think there is really going to be little opportunities for me to play tennis. Since there is this group of people around my vincity who plays tennis, I don't mind joining them after work next time. Most importantly, they take part in different tournaments, so I can also expose myself to more matches to gain experience.

Hmm... Hiaz... I think Ian is right when he told me about the vicious cycle. When you sleep late, you don't get enough rest. When you don't get enough rest, you play lousy tennis. When you play lousy tennis, you are upset. And when you are upset, it disrupts your daily activities, as well as your mood to study. How true!

Behind a mask
My face is blank from practice
My feelings well hidden
Deep within my heart a chamber is filled with emotions
Overflowing from never having been let out.

Until the point comes
When they're too much to bear
So I give in.
And alone in my room
They come out
In tears

Then I pick myself back up
Wipe the evidence of tears from my face
Put on a face smile
And walk back into the world
Like nothing is wrong.

The truth stays behind
Locked within the confides of my bedroom.
My escape

I put my mask back on.

_______________________________________________________________

Many times, what others see and think of me are only on the surface. Deep within, however, there lies a side of me which no one has seen. The burdens are loading up. I am spilt between them. I wish for a peaceful family. I wish there will be no more quarrels between them. I sigh, and I despair at times, but the hope in my heart still lives. It saddens me to see my family in this state, really. I deeply love my Mum, and I feel unworthy for all these that are happening to her. She doesn't deserve this treatment.

There is no love between them, only an obligation...

Wishes are meant for us to ponder, they pass along to someone in need, or can be kept all to ourselves. Wishes are sincere in belief that all our hopes and dreams are within reach. They are an everlasting trust that miracles happen and dreams really do come true. Understood is the value of a nurturing heart, the innocence of a child's eyes and the wisdom of an aging hand. I wish that the morning sky will forever intrigue me and the stardust of the night will captivate me. I wish for myself a creative spirit that dusts my imagination with youthful dreams and opens me to wonderful surprises just waiting to happen.I wish for myself to yearn for nothing and find contentment from within. That I will always know what to say to a friend, that my compassion will heal others who are hurt, and my name will etched in many other's hearts.

Name: yixin

I care about how I look, how I dress, and how others think about me. Most IMPORTANTLY, I care about my family and friends.

I'm obsessed with classical music! Current favourite: Smetana- The Moldau

All our lives we search for someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance the song of heartbreak and carry our hopes within us, wondering if somewhere,somehow there is someone searching for us.

Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.
~~~
Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results. ~~~

% JJ
% Pei Hiang
% Licheng
% Cindy Chan
% Xiuhui
% Liyi
% Ian
% Alvin
% Kang Li
% Soo Chin